Haggis Supper in a bowl of cereal.

13th December, 2012

Recently we bought goldfish and cunningly named them Haggis & Supper, because inevitably they`ll end up being our Cat's dinner as nature intended. Dreamt they were flopping around my bowl of nut clusters...gasping. . I woke up frantic and was late for work. :|

My Dislodged Torso

3rd March, 2012

One ordinary morning while making my way to the bathroom, on opening the bathroom door I noticed that my own torso was hanging by a meat hook over the bath. Unstartled, I thought "Well how convenient..I can give it a right good scrubbing"....proceeded then to thoroughly wash down my own torso with a feeling of smug gratification. I could feel every contour!

Dawn of War, Meets Glasgow!

20th June, 2011

Some explination before i start, Dawn of war is an internet game based on warhammer 40k that has space marines and imperial guard. Also Eve online is internet spaceships. I get the train into glasgow which looks more like New York with all the sky scrappers but there was no suburbs.  So me and few others that seemed to be members from Eve Online that i play with, hop in the back of a pick up truck, we drive to the outsirks of the city, were its deserted and looks like a desert only theres a running fence, we follow it around the city seeing members of a friendly alliance wearing T-shirts with their logo's, kind of like a gang. We then get to our detination, and spawn our dawn of war armies... we talk for a few seconds. We are then ambushed my the friendly guys, and completely slaughted, all but me... who is taken into the center of glasgow, where they blow up our HQ.... after a laugh about it, i go the pub, order a round of beers... but when i get to the table i remember everyone was killed... so i order a baked potato with tuna... and thats when i awoke.

I Married A Spider

9th May, 2011

So, this house I was holidaying/living in was a huge concrete building on sand dunes where a lot of unfamiliar over-sized pets roamed around playing and hibernating. Noticing that some were lame or missing body parts, I took to trying to nurse them back to some kind of health, quarantining the most ill by putting them in cages when I could catch them. Quite scary. One in particular caught most of my affections as 'he' was missing two legs but seemed more friendly than all the others. I say 'he' because on inspection I noticed a little human face smiling from the body of this giant spider pet, eventually we got speaking and found myself saying 'I do' back inside the concrete building.

I had that dream again

24th September, 2010

So last night I had that dream again. The one where I am chased by an Alligator while wearing nothing but the shoes on my feet. Alligators must have an insatiable appetite for naked men wearing sneakers. It just doesn't stop. He just follows me and follows me. I don't think he ever gets tired! I'm not even sure its a he. Maybe its a she? Maybe its a female alligator that wants to mate with me! oh boy....

Sale at Lazy Oaf

29th December, 2009

It started off with me at some university with Hussin, Farshad and some of the sporty/athletic guys from edinburgh. I had just left my room to go to the mall where my 'dream' version of lazy oaf store was. I bought many knitted cardigans and brightly coloured socks. Then my eyes caught glimpse of the most epic looking skate shoes, the most fantastic pair ever conceived. I snatched them up too. As i was walking down the corridor back to my room, Richard (gym going dude from edinburgh. Not black) asked if I was free for a wee kickaround with the guys. I wanted to but I just got back from shopping and really wanted to try some outfits. Richard read my thoughts and said they'll be out as long as they have to. I gleefully ran to my room wondering what to wear to football. Clearly it was going to be something I had just bought, maybe that knitted jumper with coloured bands themed from the infamous burger hat, a pair of superbright yellow skinny jeans, a random pair of new socks (to make things exciting) and, of course, my delicious new kicks. After changing, I walked out the room but noticed something wrong. As i closed the door behind me, something whirred and cracked. I looked upon the floor to see my lock had broken, and by broken I mean the front panel was open and bits spewed out. The locks here are solid metal boxes just outside your door and apparently its innards consisted of lego. I began to panic when suddenly my cleaner (the exact same cleaner from edinburgh) appeared wielding a hoover. Ignoring me she fired up the beast up and roamed around me and to the corners. I plucked up the courage to squeak a quiet 'help' drowned out by the incessant roar of the machine. Yet, she turned to me and inquired what my problem was. I gave a quick glance at the mess at my feet and she said no one could help except the warden. Very unfortunately, he was out. Then it struck me, if it's made from lego,i just might be able to fit it myself! I sat down in my half-crossed-leg position and commenced work. Luckily the two main moving parts were intact so i just had to create something that connected them again. (clearly it was more elaborate in my dream but lego building is so hard to capture via words). I snapped in the last piece, twisted a knob and it worked! I jumped for joy but then remembered about the footy. I looked at my watch and it read 23:02. I ran outsearching the local parks but then realised that they must be hanging out in the multistorey carpark. (coincedently its the same carpark in all my dreams that require a carpark) I began to jog with sighs of depression. I was upset with myself. how could i do that to my friends? I climbed up a few floors of the car park and saw the people i knew. (look at me not using the word 'friends' for added effect lol. also i think this blog about my dream is turning more and more into an elaborate written story). Sitting in armchairs around a barrel fire with sombre expressions. I hesitantly made for them with an arm awkwardly scratching the back of my head then repeatedly rubbing my face. I began to explain my excuses for not turning up but soon decided to just apologise. It was still quiet. I slowly sat down on the arm of a chair. I looked over to Hussin and Farshad and noticed they were wearing the same top as me... "Hey, were'd you get those jumpers from?" "Lazy oaf sale." And then we all lol'd. THE END.

Looking above

18th December, 2009

Yesterday's dream was kind of normal, except that is one of those dreams were you actually notice the background around you, insted of just looking straight. The dream was really average in my dream, I really don't remember it very well, but at first I had to duel a guy in a duel of a crazy minigame he invent and shit, pretty usual for me. But, almost at the end of the dream the scene changed and I was in some kind of hill at the night, and my family and our car was close by, out of nowhere I think to look above, at the sky, and I just got amazed. The sky looked beautiful, there were like million stars, some closer than others, a lot of planets and moons, and some with rings around 'em looking so awesome, you could even watch a lot of comets going across the night, Im not sure if you can imagine this as I wrote it, but believe that it just was one of the best things I've ever seen in my life. I, excited, called my family to look at it, but as they looked up and I did with they, the sky was covered with the top of some buildings that appear'd nearby out of nowhere, you still could see some stars tough, my family was dissapointed at me because they tough it was some king of prank, and went inside the car..

Sometimes, I wish I could fly.

17th December, 2009

The dream started with a few people (Who I don't know) and I on a really high place, you know like a Window, only without the window. It was in a corner. We were just talking and talking when my mom or someone called. They went over fast. I was afraid of heights, so naturally, I went over Cautiously. When I got in there, I think the dream skipped over the boring part, because I was told that whatever we were doing, we were done. So we all went back to the little roof part. One of the kids in a blue shirt had a bright idea to scare the shit outta me by jumping out from behind a corner. Would've been a better Idea if we weren't about 50 fucking stories high or something. Anyways, I get scared and start wobbling towards the edge. I was keeping my balance... sorta, by waving my hands into the air rapidly. One of the kids in a white shirt came to help me, he grabbed my hand. Bad idea. I fell off pulling him with me. I was pretty much holding onto his chest for my life. He was struggling. When we hit about 45 stories down. He stopped struggling. Being the little asshole I was, at the second floor, I turned him around so he'll hit the ground and not me. As I hit the ground, I woke up, all sweaty. I think I screamed or something because I woke my mom up. I don't think I'll ever forget the terror of that dream. Joshua-029.

Sailing above the earth

17th December, 2009

The dream started with me in what seemed like a tourist shop, the kind you get at theme parks or landmarks. A few of my friends were with me as well as my family. We're looking around the shop at all the touristy tat when one of my friends shouts me. I look up and see he's holding some green gel in the shape of a penguin. We seem to talk about who he's buying it for until I look down and see that it is now a pineapple. I sigh as if he's just told a bad joke and walk out of the shop onto the deck of a boat. The boat is in space. All I can see is the awesome expanse of planet earth. There's a strange blueish light that illuminates everything on deck and everyone seems to be looking at the earth with smiles and amazement in their eyes. I walk to the edge and look over the side to see the earth curve away into space again. There's a whole moment in which I admire the giant circle of earth at the side of the boat. A friend who wasn't with me before and some people I don't know (I remember feeling as though they were friends) come out of the shop we were in before and walk over to the edge. One jumps over the edge and I follow them. We land on a sort of net above the earth which I didn't see before and we basically walk around on it until I notice I'm the only one left. Suddenly I'm walking out of the shop again but with a sense of urgency and concern. People are walking briskly across the deck towards the front of the boat. I over hear people talking about arriving somewhere and 'getting the ferry back'. I decide to call to my friends who are still in the shop to come outside and get moving. some come out but some don't. we wait until there is only one person missing. 3 of us go back inside. the walls are now lit by a dull, light red and all the objects are gone from the shelves. We can't find him. I try to talk to the people behind me but I notice that my words are being whipped away by a torrent of wind. I run back out on deck and look up at the earth again when the dream ends. The boat wasn't a normal boat. It had swirling patterns of colours on the deck and wooden, smoothed buildings in squashed or swirling shapes. The sort of architecture you'd expect to find in Willy Wonka's Chocolate factory. when I looked back up at the boat once we had jumped off it wasn't very long either. about half was wide as it was long. Definatly not the sort of thing you'd expect to find in space let alone on the water. Strangely enough I was aware that I should have exploded due to the lack of atmosphere the whole time.

friendly fire

17th December, 2009

You know those super vivid dreams? The ones where you wake up after... and feel like it had actually happened. Your emotion from the dream made the leap to reality, if only for a short time. Recently I had reported a friend of mine's brother to the police. It was a tough choice, but it was a conflict on interest on my part and I couldn't ignore it. He was hurting the family. I had a dream that the police came to their house. Shot him up, he was killed. My friend shot herself shortly after because of everything she had gone through that day. I woke up terrified, went on Facebook. Her status said "R.I.P".